Confessions of a Former Political Junkie

Since President Obama announced that he planned to repeal “Don’t ask. Don’t tell.” during his State of the Union address, there has been considerable hubub from all the usual players (and even some unusual ones!).  If you have been paying attention to politicians and political bloggers, you know that everyone has an opinion about the United States’ military policy of requiring soldiers to maintain a veil of silence about their sexual orientation, provided that orientation is something other than “straight”.  Here is mine.

I have yet to hear a convincing argument in favor of “Don’t ask. Don’t tell.”  Admittedly, I don’t know all that much about military morale, which is what Senator Jon Kyl was citing as his line of defense yesterday on NPR.  BUT, I find it hard to believe that a military that can convince its members that killing is alright cannot convince its members that a woman loving another woman is not.  Unfortunately, Senator Kyl did not elaborate on how being gay is bad for morale.

Another argument in favor of “Don’t ask. Don’t tell.” that I have heard is that being gay is immoral.  I know that there are religions that teach that being gay is a sin.  But don’t those same religions also teach that murder is a sin?  If we can gray the line, religiously, between murder and killing (as we do with our military pursuits), certainly we can blur the line between being gay and loving another human being, if only to achieve our military goals.

At the end of the day, I am always impressed with what I perceive to be a raw fear of change by many people on this policy.  The same people that are supporting it now were vehemently against its institution in 1993.

Do people really believe deep in their hearts that allowing lesbians to serve openly in the military is a bad thing.  Surely they understand that there are already lesbians serving.  Don’t they?  All this policy would do is allow lesbians to tell their friends about it.

A woman brought a very limp duck into a veterinary surgeon. As she laid her  pet on the table, the vet pulled out his stethoscope and listened to the bird’s chest.  After a moment or two, the vet shook his head sadly and said, “I’m sorry, your duck, Cuddles, has passed away.”

The distressed woman wailed, “Are you sure?”   “Yes, I am sure. The duck is dead,” replied the vet.   “How can you be so sure?” she protested. “I mean you haven’t done any testing on him or anything. He might just be in a coma or something.”

The vet rolled his eyes, turned around and left the room.   He returned a few minutes later with a black Labrador Retriever.

As the duck’s owner looked on in amazement, the dog stood on his hind legs, put his front paws on the examination table and sniffed the duck from top to bottom. He then looked up at the vet with sad eyes and shook his head. The vet patted the dog on the head and took it out of the room.

A few minutes later he returned with a cat. The cat jumped on the table and also delicately sniffed the bird from head to foot. The cat sat back on its haunches, shook its head, meowed softly and strolled out of the room.

The vet looked at the woman and said, “I’m sorry, but as I said, this is most definitely, 100% certifiably, a dead duck.”   The vet turned to his computer terminal, hit a few keys and produced a bill, which he handed to the woman.

The duck’s owner, still in shock, took the bill. “$250?” she cried, “$250 just to tell me my duck is dead?”

The vet shrugged, “I’m sorry. If you had just taken my word for it, the bill would have been $20, but with the Lab Report and the Cat scan, it’s now $250.”

(Thanks, Lars!)

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My wife and I were watching ” Who Wants To Be A Millionaire” while we were in bed. I turned to her and said, “Do you want to have sex?”

“No,” she answered.

I then said, “Is that your final answer?”

She didn’t even look at me this time, simply saying, “Yes.”

So I said, “Then I’d like to phone a friend.”

And then the fight started…..

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Saturday morning I got up early, quietly dressed, made my lunch, and slipped quietly into the garage. I hooked up the boat up to the van, and proceeded to back out into a torrential downpour. The wind was blowing 50 mph, so I pulled back into the garage, turned on the radio, and discovered that the weather would be bad all day.

I went back into the house, quietly undressed, and slipped back into bed. I cuddled up to my wife’s back, now with a different anticipation, and whispered, “The weather out there is terrible.”

My loving wife of 5 years replied, “Can you believe my stupid husband is out fishing in that?”

And that’s how the fight started…

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I rear-ended a car this morning. So, there we were alongside the road and slowly the other driver got out of his car. You know how sometimes you just get soooo stressed and little things just seem funny? Yeah, well I couldn’t believe it…. He was a DWARF!!! He stormed over to my car, looked up at me, and shouted, “I AM NOT HAPPY!!!”

So, I looked down at him and said, “Well, then which one are you?”

And then the fight started……

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My wife was hinting about what she wanted for our upcoming anniversary.. She said, ‘I want something shiny that goes from 0 to 150 in about 3 seconds.’

I bought her a bathroom scale.

And then the fight started …

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When I got home last night, my wife demanded that I take her some place expensive… so, I took her to a petrol station.

And then the fight started…

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After retiring, I went to the Social Security office to apply for Social Security. The woman behind the counter asked me for my driver’s License to verify my age. I looked in my pockets and realized I had left my wallet at home. I told the woman that I was very sorry, but I would have to go home and come back later.

The woman said, ‘Unbutton your shirt’. So I opened my shirt revealing my curly silver hair. She said, ‘That silver hair on your chest is proof enough for me’ and she processed my Social Security application.

When I got home, I excitedly told my wife about my experience at the Social Security office.

She said, ‘You should have dropped your pants. You might have gotten disability, too.’

And then the fight started…

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My wife and I were sitting at a table at my school reunion, and I kept staring at a drunken lady swigging her drink as she sat alone at a nearby table.

My wife asked, ‘Do you know her?’

‘Yes,’ I sighed, ‘She’s my old girlfriend. I understand she took to drinking right after we split up those many years ago, and I hear she hasn’t been sober since.’

‘My God!’ says my wife, ‘who would think a person could go on celebrating that long?’

And then the fight started…

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I took my wife to a restaurant. The waiter, for some reason took my order first. “I’ll have the steak, medium rare, please.”

He said, “Aren’t you worried about the mad cow?”"

Nah, she can order for herself.”

And then the fight started…

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A woman was standing nude, looking in the bedroom mirror. She was not happy with what she saw and said to her husband, “I feel horrible; I look old, fat and ugly. I really need you to pay me a compliment.’

The husband replied, ‘Your eyesight’s damn near perfect.’

And then the fight started

Below is an email forward I received from Mr. Mel.  These are supposedly words that came out of Republican blowhard, Rush Limbaugh’s, mouth.  I did not do any verification that these words for fear of the liberal vitriol I might find if I did. Nor did I double-check any of his facts and figures (which, for the record, are usually flawed due to their cherry-picked nature).  But despite all that, his sentiment is the correct one.  Enjoy!

I think the vast differences in compensation between victims of the September 11 casualty and those who die serving our country in Uniform are profound. No one is really talking about it either, because you just don’t criticize anything having to do with September 11. Well,I can’t let the numbers pass by because it says something really disturbing about the entitlement mentality of this country. If you lost a family member in the September 11 attack, you’re going to get an average of $1,185,000. The range is a minimum guarantee of $250,000, all the way up to $4.7 million. If you are a surviving family member of an American soldier killed in action, the first check you get is a $6,000 direct death benefit, half of which is taxable.

Next, you get $1,750 for burial costs. If you are the surviving spouse, you get $833 a month until you remarry. And there’s a payment of $211 per month for each child under 18. When the child hits 18, those payments come to a
screeching halt.

Keep in mind that some of the people who are getting an average of $1.185 million up to $4.7million are complaining
that it’s not enough. Their deaths were tragic, but for most, they were simply in the wrong place at the wrong time.
Soldiers put themselves in harms way FOR ALL OF US, and they and their families know the dangers. (Actually, soldiers are put in harms way by politicians and commanding officers.)

We also learned over the weekend that some of the victims from the Oklahoma City bombing have started an organization asking for the same deal that the September 11 families are getting. In addition to that, some of the families of those bombed in the embassies are now asking for compensation as well.

You see where this is going, don’t you? Folks, this is part and parcel of over 50 years of entitlement politics in this country. It’s just really sad. Every time a pay raise comes up for the military, they usually receive next to nothing of a raise. Now the green machine is in combat in the Middle East while their families have to survive on food stamps and live in low-rent housing. Make sense?

However, our own US Congress voted themselves a raise. Many of you don’t know that they only have to be in Congress one time to receive a pension that is more than $15,000 per month. And most are now equal to being millionaires plus. They do not receiveSocial Security on retirement because they didn’t have to pay into the system. If some of the military people stay in for 20 years and get out as an E-7, they may receive a pension of $1,000 per month, and the very people who placed them in harm’s way receives a pension of $15,000 per month.

I would like to see our elected officials pick up a weapon and join ranks before they start cutting out benefits and lowering pay for oursons and daughters who are now fighting.

Check out the ESPN.com interview of my pal, Matt. Also, watch the video:

(Thanks, Lisa)

My dad told me once, “Free agency ruined baseball.” He was right. Even though the practice was morally wrong, forcing players to stay with their given teams made baseball a better game. It was more consistent. Teams were better. People knew what to expect out of their clubhouses. Basically, you had a family that was stuck together for better or worse.

Pro baseball today sucks. Because players now have the right to pretty much go wherever they want whenever they want, there is no consistency in dugouts. Teams are unfamiliar from one season to the next. Stars jump ship, sometimes after only one season with a team. Teams don’t get better through practice – they get better through player upgrades. Teams are either good or they are not. A bad team this year can be a champion next near (and can have nine totally new starters).

College basketball has become pro baseball. It sucks. It started to suck in the mid-1990’s when the best players started leaving college before graduating for the pros en-masse.

Do you remember when Allen Iverson’s early departure from Georgetown was news not because of his playing ability, but because at that time players didn’t leave college before graduating? Do you remember Duke dominating the 1990’s basketball scene with players who made it through 4 years of school.

Elite colleges used to field basketball teams that matured and developed together. As a result, they were more fun to watch, the game-play was better, and we could get to know teams. Put simply, better basketball was played, and watching the game was more enjoyable.

Today I don’t give a rat’s a$$ about college basketball. The stars are usually in and out within a year or two, elite coaches rarely develop programs for the long-term, and solid, team basketball has taken a back-seat to pushes, shoves, and pure athleticism.

It used to be that to play at the highest levels of the NCAA, players had to possess a mix of finesse and strength. Today’s game is all about power and athleticism.

I realize that I am starting to sound like an old man on this topic, and that is okay. I realize that I lost this argument at “hello”. Nobody cares about solid basketball anymore. Fans have mostly forgotten what solid basketball is and have become worshipers of the leap and push.

In my day, the leap and push were but two tools in an elite player’s deep toolbox that included passing, screening, rolling, blocking, defense, shooting, elbowing, court vision, and maturity. Today, “leaps and pushes” represent the total skill set of the Kentucky Wildcats starting 5.

I don’t blame the players for the debacle that NCAA Men’s hoops has become. The problem is part of a huge system that includes tv, coaches, schools, culture, greed, the NBA, patriarchy, women, power, and all sorts of other things. I know there is no going back to the good old days when NCAA Men’s basketball was good. But that is why I don’t care about men’s college basketball.

(Thanks, Dad!)

Why does TSA assume any liquid below 3.4 ounces is safe but that any liquid over 3.4 ounces is dangerous explosive?

Why does TSA toss these dangerous explosives into open containers in the middle of airports?

Why does TSA dispose of these dangerous explosives as if they were exactly what is indicated by their labels?

Why does TSA treat a bottle of Pepsi like soda when it’s time to dispose of it, but as a dangerous explosive when it transits the checkpoint?

How does TSA screen the liquids sold past its checkpoints?

Does TSA test a random sampling if confiscated liquids to determine how many liquid explosives people are attempting to bring through checkpoints?

Why can’t TSA point to a single piece of independent, peer-reviewed research to support its liquid policies?

Why does TSA continue to post inaccurate signage about the liquids policies in airports?
(source)

IMHO, airport security is mostly pointless. Pre- and post-911 security measures have done very little to protect us with a few exceptions. Here are security measures that pass the common sense test:

• Locking cockpit doors (This simple, common-sense measure could have prevented 9/11.)
• Improvements in data management, a.k.a. the “no fly list” (I’m not sure if this has had any positive effects to date, but it certainly makes sense to better manage data.)
• “No firearms” policy (This makes sense in all sorts of situations where arguments might break out.)

That’s about it as far as I can tell.

Metal detectors probably don’t do anything to protect the nation on a large scale, although they might prevent yahoos from hurting individuals from time-to-time.

Here are security measures that DO NOT pass the common sense test:

• Running our shoes through scanners
• Limits on the amounts of liquids we can carry on (This should be an all-or-nothing rule. Either liquids are dangerous or they are not.)
• Strip searches (WTF does airport security hope to find on an 80-year-old woman or a 5-year-old child that the scanners, detectors, and pat-down searches wouldn’t have already discovered?)
• Any invasive measure whose sole purpose is to look for drugs (We don’t run every car on the street through a checkpoint in a desperate search for illegal drugs, and we shouldn’t do it at airports, either.  Drugs pose ABSOLUTELY NO immediate threat to airline passengers; airport security should focus ONLY on keeping passengers safe during their flights and time at the airport.  I believe that most of the scanners at the airport are set up to catch drug users and smugglers as part of the War on Drugs; this is a waste of resources and time.)

I’m sure I neglected to mention some things that do and do not pass the common sense test when it comes to airport security, but you get the idea.  Most airport security is set up to make us feel safe.  The federal government, on Friday, revealed new, stupid rules for passengers on airplanes in an attempt to look busy in the wake of some crazy guy’s flawed attempt to blow up a Northwest/Delta Airlines flight.  Of course, the person at the top of the airport security food chain, Homeland Security chief Janet Napolitano, provided no details on what actually happened on that flight – all of our details so far are coming from passengers.  So far, all we know is that there was a popping sound and then a fire.  There is no evidence to indicate that this crazy guy had the means of seriously-damaging the airliner.  For all we know, he could have been making popcorn with a lighter.  But evidence from the suspect’s dad is making this guy look like he might have been a terrorist.  If that is the case, then legitimate questions should be asked about our data management practices (i.e. Why wasn’t he on the “no fly list”?).

My doorbell buzzer woke me up at 7:30 a.m. today. It was Lisa, and she needed me to drive her to the impound lot to pick up her car, which was mistakenly impounded from her work parking lot while she worked yesterday.

Over 28 years in business, participating in an industry consisting of so many variables, with so much controversy, while still living up to the nickname “The Good Guys” almost says it all. The many clients, big and small, that we serve, who trust us with their reputation to tow their or their customer’s cars, and to enforce their right to private property with an impound, says the rest. Many good customers helped build this company through their support of our benevolent professionalism. – Gopher Towing

It’s not something I think about very often, but I believe towing companies to be of the same sleazy ilk as payday loan companies, pawn shops, and auto repossession companies. That is, they prey on the poor and unfortunate citizens of our country who cross them. They are swindlers in the finest sense of the word. They are also 100% legal. But that doesn’t make them good.

Lisa had to pay $300 out of pocket to get her car back. This is half of her rent payment. She needed that $300 dollars to pay rent. A clerical error by her work’s front desk person cost Lisa her ability to make this month’s rent. It is unjust, and she is not alone.

My pal, DC, got his car towed by the City of Minneapolis a couple of years ago for parking in an area of the street that they were planning on doing some maintenance. But there was no indication they were going to be doing maintenance. So, DC’s car was towed and he was out $300.

And the problem is not only in metropolitan areas (although it is certainly a bigger problem there). When I worked in government and later politics in Illinois, I received complaints almost daily of cities and towns towing cars unfairly. But I could do nothing. There is no recourse (at least no good one) for people who have been wronged by City Hall. Remember that song, “I fought the law and the law won“? That applies here. Fighting City Hall is one of the most difficult things to do on this Earth. Right up there with drinking a gallon of milk in an hour.

Of course, Tenacious D came up with their own version of fighting city hall:

And towing companies are worse.

There is no negotiating or reasoning with towing companies. That is part of why they make my list of sleazy, unsultry companies. Their business is preying the misfortune of others.

A big part of the towing problem is, indeed, City Hall. Laws are needed to limit the damages awarded to towing companies. Parking in the wrong place does not warrant a $300 fine, plus the inconvenience of picking up your car on the other side of the city. It warrants a more reasonable fine – something in the order of a parking ticket of $25.

Reasonableness is the key word here. There are very few instances where cars NEED to be towed – mainly when they are blocking a driveway or are in a fire lane.

Towing companies should be legally limited to tows that the car owner has initiated – i.e. when you are stuck in a ditch or your car battery has died or after a car accident.

One day, I am going to be mayor of this town, and you can bet that the towing laws will change!